𝙳𝙾𝙶 𝙾𝙵 𝚆𝙰𝚁. (Posts tagged turianrebel)

GARRUS VAKARIAN .        ^{turianrebel‌}

what’s  the  harm  in  a  little  challenge  ?  a  little  game  between  more  than  friends  ?  garrus  laughs  ,  chirping  with  excitement  as  he  offers  his  arm  out  to  her  across  the  table  .  ❝  it’s  okay  if  you  lose  ,  you  know  .  shepard  won’t  kick  you  off  the  ship  for  losing  to  a  turian  .  the  rest  of  the  crew  ,  however  …  ❞  teasing  ,  loving  the  way  ashley’s  eyes  spark  with  the  thrill  of  their  game  .  

❝          OH ,    OKAY .     FAMOUS LAST WORDS ,    VAKARIAN .       ^{famous last words .          ❞         heat flushes to the apple of her cheeks ,     the kind of warm - toned levity that only springs forth in his presence .    she bites back laughter ,     teeth sinking into the soft side of her mouth ,    giving that wry grin a lop - sided view .    propping her arm up ,    she clasps his hand to hers .        ❝       three ,    two    —          ❞           with no warning ,    she arches forward ,     pressing lips to the slate of his own     –     and at the same time pushes at his arm ,    hard and fast ,     fair play long forgotten .}

turianrebel‌:

@gunnerychief​  said  :  ash vc: if we arm wrestle, i WOULD kick your ass

❝  hmm  .  suppose  we  test  this  theory  out  .  ❞  garrus  rumbles  ,  then  chirps  ,  mandibles  flaring  with  interest  .  he  peers  at  ashley  with  a  light  tilt  to  his  head  ,  curious  about  her  challenge  and  what  might  become  of  it  in  the  end  .  ❝                 i’ve  won  a  lot  of  arm  wrestling  matches  ,  fair  warning  .  they’ve  all  been  with  with  turians  ,  though  ,  so  maybe  you’re  stronger  ?  ❞  his  head  cants  to  the  other  side  .  ❝  i  accept  your  challenge  .  let’s  see  how  well  you  can  play  .  ❞

❝         WAIT    –     YOU’RE SERIOUS ?        ❞        ^{teasing bends half into surprise ,    her challenge coming more from that fast - mouthed bravado she’s so familiar with .   a bit of playful ribbing .    she hardly needs to prove herself ,    least of all to garrus :    but ,   she can hardly back down now .    grinning ,   sharp and wry ,    ashley leans in .        ❝        okay ,    i’m game .    let’s see what you got .         ❞} 

GARRUS VAKARIAN .        ^{turianrebel‌}

he’s  surprisingly  reassured  by  her  words  .  ashley  isn’t  one  to  lie  ,  or  to  ground  them  in  false  hope  ,  so  to  hear  her  speak  their  success           no  ,  their  survival           into  existence  …  it  means  a  great  deal  to  the  lumbering  ,  already  tired  turian  and  his  sore  muscles  .  it  demonstrates  a  lot  about  ashley  ,  and  a  great  deal  more  about  how  she  feels  about  him  .  there  will  be  no  talk  of  death  or  destruction  here  ,  not  right  now  .  not  in  this  quiet  room  where  ashley  williams  nearly  died  .  too  much  death  in  this  place  .  everything  is  far  too  heavy  here  .  how  did  garrus  assume  the  citadel  would  be  the  ideal  place  to  clear  his  head  ?  foolish  of  him  to  assume  .

she  speaks  of  her  family  ,  and  he  listens  closely  ,  browplates  furrowing  in  their  pristine  focus  .  at  least  they’re  not  on  earth  anymore  .  a  good  thing  ;  garrus  silently  counts  that  as  a  victory  .  he  needs  a  few  to  get  by  ,  and  hearing  that  her  family  is  safe  is  just  one  tick  mark  in  a  box  made  for  a  thousand  .  and  while  he  cannot  say  the  same  joyful  words  for  his  own  family  just  yet  ,  garrus  considers  those  of  the  normandy  and  those  of  their  families  as  his  own  kin  .  it’s  something  .  anything  .  he  releases  the  breath  he’s  been  holding  ,  nodding  ,  nearly  about  to  comment  on  her  family  ,  and  share  his  relief  .  words  ,  ready  in  his  mouth  ,  caged  behind  his  sharp  teeth  and  mouthplates  .

then               i’m  really  glad  you’re  not  on  palaven  anymore  ,  and  the  wound  they  share  between  them  opens  like  a  gaping  mouth  ,  expectant  and  raw  as  it  waits  for  answers  .  she’s  cracked  the  door  open  and  let  all  the  air  out  of  the  room  ,  and  now  it’s  no  longer  a  bedside  chat  in  huerta  memorial  .  it’s  the  conversation  .  the  nagging  thing  eating  away  at  him  now  roars  itself  to  life  .  garrus  stutters  a  bit  ,  goes  a  little  awkward  and  shy  at  her  words  .  it  takes  him  a  moment  to  reply  .  ❝  it’s  better  if  we  get  it  out  in  the  open  ,  you  know  .  rather  than  letting  it  …  linger  ,  make  us  ask  questions  .  ❞  she’s  not  looking  at  him  .  garrus  slowly  leans  down  and  bumps  his  nose  against  her  fingers  splayed  on  the  bed  .  ❝  my  feelings  haven’t  changed  ,  ash  .  i  was  worried  about  you  ,  too  .  hearing  earth  got  hit                  i  …  ❞  his  eyes  dart  out  the  giant  room  windows  .  ❝  well  .  let’s  just  say  i’m  glad  you  were  with  shepard  .  glad  she  got  you  to  me  in  …  relatively  one  piece  .  ❞  tiny  jest  ,  mandibles  trembling  .  ❝  for  now  ,  i  need  you  to  focus  on  getting  better  and  back  in  the  fight  .  and  every  time  we  dock  on  the  citadel  ,  i’ll  come  visit  .  you  have  my  word  .  ❞  his  blue  eyes  are  tender  ,  muted  .  ❝  the  galaxy  changed  .  THIS  DIDN’T  .

HER HEART - RATE JUMPS ,   ^{waiting for his response ,    a hard pounding that kicks up in slender ,   sharp lines on the nearby screen .   it’s the rush of    –    not fear ,    which she knows down to the bone ,    but something poignant and jagged and waiting .   for what ,   a rejection ?    ashley draws breath in tightly ,    gritting teeth around air .    it all comes rushing forward :    long nights spent wondering where he was ,   if he was okay .    that gut - punch of horizon   –    damn it ,   williams   –    and the way she couldn’t look at him in the middle of all that ruin ,    all that violence ,   all that betrayal .    shepard’s and hers ,   not his ,   but the ache is the same .   and she wouldn’t be surprised if he told her to take a hike .   the roll of his voice muddles in the rush of blood to her ears ,   both distant and too close ,   all at once .   silently ,    she brings that williams pride into her chest ,    stills and waits for impact .}

^{but   —    the brush of his skin on hers ,    and she jerks her chin upward fast enough to hurt ,    automatically rolling her hand over to brush against the expanse of his cheek .   the galaxy changed .    this didn’t .      and she exhales a sigh of warmth ,    relief ,    her still form easing under the anchor of his presence ,    his words .          ❝       that’s     …     damn .   okay ,    consider me swept off my feet .        ❞           god ,   she’d missed him ,    and despite all that’s happened ,    this one good thing is enough .   it pulls a shiver of lightness through her ,    and she softens into it   –   lets herself hum with this small moment .        ❝          thank you ,    garrus .   for coming here and    …    everything .          ❞           carefully ,    as if he might dissipate ,   she trails a palm up the landscape of his features ,    fingertips brushing along the plates the way she would handle glass .     it’s an impulse ,    one she doesn’t bother fighting .          ❝          and you better stay in one piece .    don’t do anything stupid until i’m back out there to protect you .          ❞           teasing ,   shaded by laughter and the curve of her mouth .} 

^{her other hand rises slow and steady to match its twin ,    tilting her frame forward and nearer .    familiar and new ,    all at once ,    both hands curve about his jaw and pull downward ,   gently ,    as she leans up to press her forehead to his .    a gesture of hesitant intimacy ,    testing these waters ,   and her whisper lulls between them .          ❝         is this okay ?            ❞}       

GARRUS VAKARIAN .    ^{turianrebel‌}

with  her  now  ,  locked  eyes  ,  and  it  becomes  all  too  apparent  that  his  body  ,  heavy  with  ache  ,  ruined  by  war  ,  cratered  by  rocketfire  ,  finds  a  new  sort  of  completeness  whenever  ashley  williams  is  near  .  how  can  he  possibly  explain  the  thoughts  and  panic  in  his  mind  upon  hearing  earth  was  attacked  ?  swarmed  with  reapers                      garrus  ,  USELESS  ,  was  forced  to  listen  and  fear  for  the  lives  of  those  he  cared  about  .  ash  .  shepard  .  barely  sleeping  ,  wrought  with  worry  ,  a  turian  ,  pacing  for  hours  amid  the  battlefields  of  menae  .  all  of  it  culminates  to  here  and  now  ,  as  garrus  nears  the  bed  and  watches  her  try  to  sit  up  .  he  releases  a  distressed  warble  ,  arms  out  to  try  and  steady  her  .  thankfully  she  just  groans  and  sits  back  .  when  she  motions  to  the  chair  beside  the  bed  ,  garrus  nods  and  obediently  takes  the  offered  seat  .  anything  to  keep  her  from  getting  up  ,  hurting  herself  ,  sending  the  nurses  in  here  ,  running  …

her  remarks  easily  draw  muted  laughter  from  him  ,  mandibles  flaring  widely  as  his  expression  of  a  smile  .  garrus  ducks  his  head  momentarily  and  lets  the  laughter  turn  into  a  cough                                                 he  looks  back  up  at  her  .  ashley’s  tone  changes  ,  evolves  into  the  heavier  things  .  SPIRITS  .  ❝  and  here  i  was  hoping  to  pretend  everything  was  right  with  the  world  for  just  a  while  longer  .  ❞  this  time  ,  the  turian’s  laugh  is  insincere  .  ❝  i  haven’t  heard  from  my  family  since  the  reapers  arrived  on  palaven  .  hoping  they  made  it  out  ,  or  at  least  hoping  they  stuck  it  out  until  now  ,  and  can  get  off-planet  as  soon  as  possible  .  I  DON’T  KNOW  .  ❞  a  pause  .  he  evades  her  final  question  and  switches  gears  .  ❝  what  about  your  family  ?  have  you  heard  from  them  ?  ❞  garrus  tentatively  sets  a  hand  on  the  edge  of  her  bed  .  ❝  despite  the  hiccup  with  the  cerberus  superbot  ,  i’m  glad  you’re  here  .  off-earth  .  safe  ,  for  now  .  ❞  blindingly  sincere  .  the  turian  coughs  to  try  and  break  his  own  painful  tension  ,  worried  perhaps  she’s  lost  interest  .  perhaps  she’s  not  ready  to  continue  what  they  had  .

THE SPACE BETWEEN THEM     ^{seems impossibly wide and held closed all at once :    in the wake of violence ,    she is all knife ,   all blade ,   lashing out with a cutting edge in the low light     —    but he draws the warmth of her like a moth to a flame ,  without even trying ,   and she almost gives in to the impulse to pull his frame into her arms ,    press her forehead to his like they are something more than what she fears they aren’t .   this shaky uncertainty of his own feelings toward holds her body in place ,   and yet    …     ignoring the pulse of her wounds ,   she leans forward .    a forearm braces itself on the supports beside the bed ,    bringing her eye level with the shape of his jaw ,   the details of his eyes .    the proximity distracts her for a moment ,   the sudden urge to relearn each crater and curve of his features splicing her thoughts in two ,    before she remembers that there is no guarantee that he is hers any longer .   realigning her gaze to his ,   ashley gives him a smile ,   and her voice soft as it will go .        ❝        it’s going to be okay ,    garrus .        ❞        neither of them have ever been one for false optimism ,    and she a self - proclaimed realist with a jaded mouth and a sharp eye ,    but this is hardly the time for a lecture about their odds .    certainly not about his family’s .     she won’t press him further ,   not for this ,    laden all with pain and confusion and fears .}

^{her exhale stutters out in a wheeze ,    rioting against this new angle she’s forced herself into ,    aching through the bruises around her sides .   one .    two .    three .    even ,   calm breaths to compensate .    a few seconds pass before she speaks again ,    her face shading into something like relief .         ❝        i haven’t gotten any updates in here ,   but as far as i know they all made it to the citadel safe .    thank god .   i’m still worried ,   y’know ?    just this bad feeling    …     like waiting for the inevitable ?    i hate it .     but at least they’re not on earth anymore .        ❞            on impulse ,     she reaches for the hand he’s rested on the bed ,   putting forefinger to middle ,   ring finger to pinky ,    taking his hand in her own and squeezing ,   gently .          ❝         and don’t take this the wrong way ,    but    —    i’m really glad you’re not on palaven anymore .   when the reapers hit ,    i –           ❞}

^{it’s a special kind of torture ,    isolated ,   without information ,    not knowing who’s alive and who’s dead and whether or not he was safe ,   and   —    there’s no point putting this off .    no such thing as a guaranteed tomorrow ,   anymore .    she looks down ,   away ,    as if this conversation will be easier without the weight of his eyes on hers .          ❝          i was worried about you .    look ,    i know there’s a lot to talk about .            ❞          horizon .    cerberus .    the omega - 4 relay .        ❝          and maybe this isn’t the best time ,    but    —     before i look like a total idiot ,    i wanted to know if you still felt the same ,   about us .   me .         ❞}

GARRUS VAKARIAN .     ^{turianrebel‌}

the  very  first  time  the  normandy  docks  on  the  citadel  ,  settles  its  weary  metal  bones  in  bay  d24  ,  garrus  is  off  like  a  rocket  ,  scrambling  around  throngs  of  refugees  in  order  to  reach  a  cab  ,  a  shuttle               ANYTHING  .  this  isn’t  something  that  can  wait  .  this  isn’t  like  last  time  ,  where  the  distance  was  painful  ,  but  manageable  ;  this  isn’t  like  the  brief  skirmish  on  horizon  ,  the  sight  of  her  there  among  collector  remains  and  a  smoking  sky  .  this  is  far  from  something  garrus  vakarian  can  handle  ,  or  could  ever  handle  .  this  is  raw  .  the  news  had  choked  him  .  on  the  shuttle  from  menae  ,  he’d  offhandedly  asked  about  ashley  .  ash  ?  she’s  at  huerta  .  we  don’t  know  if  she’s  going  to  make  it  .  and  garrus  ,  in  all  his  fear  and  fright  for  her  ,  couldn’t  let  out  his  sounds  ,  his  strangled  ,  painful  sadness  .  because  of  their  secrecy  ,  because  they’d  never  decided  to  welcome  the  rest  of  the  crew  into  knowing  ,  he’s  held  it  in  .  at  huerta  ,  he  doesn’t  have  to  .

of  course  he  ,  in  all  his  bulk  and  wear  ,  holds  himself  better  than  expected  upon  entering  her  room  .  an  asari  nurse  tries  to  grab  his  arm  ;  if  he  were  in  a  more  agitated  state  ,  he’d  have  fought  that  resistance  .  but  ashley  ,  bruised  and  beaten  ,  face  a  constellation  of  purple  and  black  ,  promises  his  good  intentions  .  he’s  a  friend  .  they  let  him  go  ,  and  the  door  hisses  shut  behind  him  .

❝  ash  .  ❞  mandibles  flare  in  his  visible  concern  ;  he  drags  his  eyes  across  her  frame  and  finds  relief  in  knowing  she’s  intact  .  ❝  shepard  said  you  were  here  ,  said  they  didn’t  know  if  …   ❞  the  turian  trails  off  ,  and  briefly  he  dips  his  head  .  the  awkwardness  ,  the  shyness  ,  has  returned  .  ❝  they  just  picked  me  up  from  palaven                     battle’s  bad  there  .  are  you  all  right  ?  ❞  a  timid  step  forward  ,  wanting  to  come  closer  ,  but  fearing  anger  if  he  does  .  ❝  they  didn’t  give  me  all  the  details  ;  just  enough  to  know  you  were  in  a  sorry  state  .  ❞  a  pause  ,  and  garrus  attempts  soft  humor  to  try  and  make  her  laugh  .  ❝  let’s  hope  you  heal  sooner  than  later                 the  normandy’s  missing  its  second  best  shot  .  ❞

THE PRESENCE OF HIM     ^{flushes against her like a comforting weight ,   like what was missing is set back into place .    now that he’s back in arms reach ,    it becomes strikingly clear how the loss of him was a phantom pain ,    pulsing in the space between her lungs .     his absence ached ,   knife - sharp .    in contrast ,    the sight of him sits warmly in the expanse of her chest .    despite everything ,    a thread of happiness draws through her .   he’s alive and here and okay ,    and that’s all that matters for now .}  

^{watching him ,    her heart aches     —     was he worried ?    guilt settles firmly ,   but a selfish ,   almost greedy part of her is glad to know he cares enough to come here himself .} 

^{so much lays unsaid and unknown between them   –   all new scars ,    all new histories ,    held loosely together by contact maintained over long distances ,   but the careful set of her jaw softens against the sound of her name .    slowly ,    ashley pushes herself into a sitting position ,    and pain bolts down the length of her spine .   only just barely ,   she catches a groan between her teeth ,   mouth twisting closed to compensate .    if she could ,   she would stand .        ❝         uh ,     sit down .        ❞        with an eager hand ,    she beckons him into the chairs     —     uncomfortable ,   plastic ,    she pities his back     —-      next to the bed .     she wants to ease this ,    the strange awkwardness that sits between them now .   a self - deprecating laugh pushes through the throbbing of her side ,    and she ducks her head .      it’s all she can do to pull that williams’ stubbornness around herself like a cloak ,   shaken only by the fissure of her own nerves .            ❝           …        yeah ,    it only took a cerberus superbot weaponizing a shuttle to take me down .     i mean ,    it’s not a rocket ,   but hey ,    i’m doing my best .        ❞         scoffing at his jab ,    a smile blooms wide to soften the blow of her teasing .            ❝          —-     and i’ve picked up some new tricks since you last saw me ,    hot shot .     if you wanna have a measuring contest ,    i’m game .          ❞          and she waits for a laugh ,    a crack of a turian smile ,    anything .}    

^{she reaches out her hand .     it hovers in the air ,   not closing the distance ,     but offering what little comfort she can give ,     if he wants it .     they just picked me up from palaven .     god .          ❝        listen     …     don’t worry about me .    i’ll be out of here in no time      —-      but ,    garrus ,    i’m so sorry .    i was on earth when the reapers hit     …     and it ,    it was horrible .    is your family     …          ❞           he has a sister ,    she remembers ,    and a sick mother ,    and a hard - ass dad ,    and her words trail off with a quiet fear for the worst .        ❝         are you doing okay ?          ❞}  

^{turianrebel‌  .       𝙶𝙰𝚁𝚁𝚄𝚂 𝚅𝙰𝙺𝙰𝚁𝙸𝙰𝙽 .} 

WHEN  HE  FIRST  HEARS  HER  VOICE  ,  HE  THINKS  HE’S  IMAGINING  IT  .  _{it  can’t  be  ashley  williams  ,  come  to  speak  with  him  ,  come  to  make  amends  in  some  way  ,  heal  the  broken  bridges  burnt  in  the  process  of  two  whole  years  .  two}  GIGANTIC  YEARS  _{of  conflict  and  disagreement  lead  them  here  ,  to  this  dialogue  in  his  dimly  lit  cabin  .  the  turian  cants  his  head  and  slowly  turns  around  .  ❝                   hey  yourself  ,  ❞  he  offers  ,  a  low  sound  .  ❝  it  has  been  a  long  time  ,  hasn’t  it  .  a  lot  has  happened  ,  though  ,  so  we  can’t  really  blame  ourselves  .  ❞  or  can  we  ?  he  abandons  the  console  ,  the  work  left  for  later  .  garrus  suspects  this  is  a  conversation  they’re  going  to  need  everything  for  .  ❝  things  are  a  little  bleak  right  now  ,  ash  ,  but  i’ll  be  fine  .  how  are  you  holding  up  ?  ❞}

𝚂𝙷𝙴 𝙴𝚇𝙷𝙰𝙻𝙴𝚂 ,   ^{a sound that might have been a soft - breathed laugh had it not given in at the midway point .        ❝       yeah ,   no kidding .   heard through the grapevine something about you being an adviser to the primarch now ?   talk about moving up in the world .      ❞        she’s proud of him ,   evident in the beckoning arch of her brow ,   the sudden lilt of her voice .   he deserves it ,   god knows .   with the jaws clamping down on them tight ,   they’ll need the best   —    &  he is .   but only a second passes before she turns a critical eye ,  skimming over the outline of his visage ,  looking for those universal signs of wear  &  tear .    on the sr-1  [  a lifetime has taken up the space between then  &  now  ]  she’d like to think she’d gotten almost good at reading him .   between the confined belly of the ship  &  the firefights that split them all down to the core ,   you learn .   but everything’s new  &  raw again ,   &  she can’t tell if he’s lying .   it pangs ,   an ache in the ribs .}

^{❝       don’t worry about me  —  seriously .   i’m okay .   getting out of that hospital bed   —   i’m not useless anymore .       ❞      concern brandishes itself ,   &  she softens again .      ❝       look ,   i’m not really the poster child for talking about feelings ,   but it’s okay to not be fine ,  y’know .   with palaven ,   with everything .   if you need to talk ,   you should .      ❞       the underlying offer hangs in the air ,   emphasized by her following silence .   &  maybe it’s a little too bold ,  a little too familiar .   maybe she can’t make that offer anymore .   discomforted by the thought ,   she moves again   :   concise motions ,  positions herself partly into the corner ,   the entirety of the battery in sight .   a distance comfortable enough that she can breathe .   just barely .      ❝       i mean ,   it doesn’t need to be me .   i’d get it if you don’t   …   —-     ❞      hand waves flippantly ,    like it’s not what it is .    want to talk to me ,    unsaid ,   drawn to the teeth .}